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How To Get Your Spouse To Listen Without Getting Defensive Or Trying To Criticize You

Let's face it...spouses don't always do a good job of listening, especially when you really need them to change. I know you have heard countless therapists tell you to speak up and express your needs and feelings. However, how many times have your good-hearted attempt at being heard backfired?

I spoke with a wife who indicated that her husband actually interrupted not even 15 seconds into expressing her needs and made the conversation all about what he wasn't getting in the marriage. She lamented, "I actually felt better before I tried to express my unmet needs. He totally made me never want to speak up again." We broke down the argument and I explained that her husband became defensive and turned the conversation in response to feeling criticized. No, it wasn't her fault at all but it didn't stop her husband from making a scene and almost discouraging his wife from ever speaking up again.

Yes, I did say "almost" because I taught her the techniques you learned in this video to "prime" her husband to actually hear what she needed without getting defensive. Sometimes it's not what you say but how and when you say it that means everything. Use this one trick and three skills to improve the quality of your communication when you have unmet needs, a legitimate problem with your spouse and/or simply need things to change.

I teach this technique in depth to couples at if you want more marital training. Ok, let me know how this works for you! I need to hear from you. Good luck!


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