Getting Out of Toxic Relationships: The One Very Important Question You Should Ask
This is how I feel about toxic relationships...
Someone shared a personal story about how she allowed a man to take her love, money, self-respect and waste her time only to see him cheat on her with another woman while living with her and have ZERO remorse.
I would like to say this is a once in a lifetime story but I see it so often that I had to post a video to vent, encourage and hopefully persuade anyone in a toxic relationship to GET OUT of it now!
Even if you are married, change the dysfunction or leave! God does not want you to be abused, used and damaged. That's not Christian marriage and any pastor who tells you to stay and die emotionally should be questioned in my opinion. That's slavery not love.
You must learn to value yourself outside of your toxic relationship. You cannot want to be in a relationship so badly that you make the critical mistake of muting your own needs so that your partner can be happy.
In toxic relationships, there is usually the following pairs:
Helper and Person Needing Help
Giver and Taker
Narcissist and Selfless Person Who Thinks Too Little of Him/Herself
Inconsiderate and Too Nice
In a dysfunctional way, these pairs fit and it always benefits the abuser.
Why would someone who always gets help leave a helper?
Why would a taker leave a giver?
Why would a narcissist leave someone who is totally selfless and sacrifices his/her dream for his/hers?
Why would someone who is inconsiderate leave someone who is too nice?
The sad answer is...they won't because they don't want an equal relationship. They want to have it all at your expense. If you are too nice, overly accommodating, give too much, etc. without requiring the same in return then better for them.
The ONE question you should ask yourself to change the balance of power is, "What is in this for me?" You literally should behave as if you are your own agent representing yourself to make sure you are not being taken advantage of.
You are likely never to get a good answer and that should be your signal to demand that the relationship change or get out while you still have some ego, self-concept and hope left.
God wants you to have a relationship and/or marriage where you can pursue your dreams too, disagree, have things your way sometimes and have a balance of power so you can compromise. You can find better love than a toxic relationship and you will thank yourself for the rest of your life for getting out!