1) He can listen, I mean really listen
A great husband will use his power to listen versus trying to over talk you. He will listen to tap into your emotions and use phrases like, "Say more”, “help me to understand that”, “how does that make you feel”, and “how can I help" to deepen his understanding of you. He won’t interrupt very much except to get clarity and will repeat back what he heard you say. He will avoid the mistake of trying to your problem unless you ask him to do so. Instead, he will focus on showing empathy and support to make you feel better.
2) He is Self-Disciplined
The men you admire are self-disciplined. They are consistent enough that you can set a watch by them. A great husband will practice self-discipline through prayer, fasting, meditation, yoga, exercising, building strong habits, learning from older men and/or engaging in self-development. In today’s culture, a husband must be self-disciplined to avoid sin (lust, alcohol/drug abuse, gluttony, laziness, greed, selfishness, passive-aggressiveness, jealousy, etc.). You name it, there is sin out there the devil would love to kill your marriage with. A husband must remain watchful, consistent and self-disciplined to keep the enemy out of your marriage.
3) He says “I love you” a lot
There is a distinct difference between a male, a man, and a husband. Hands down, being a husband requires the most skill. In a marriage, a husband must secure his wife by consistently telling her how much he loves. Most men mess up by expecting their wives to “know” that they love them. “I’m here, so I you know I love you,” is the phrase. However, women (men too) need to hear the words, “I love you” often to feel connected to your love and enhance intimacy.
Men, quick tip… say “I love you” while making love to your wife and watch your connection grow.
4) He is an Optimist
The research is overwhelming…optimist make better husbands. In fact, optimists are usually better at everything (business, athletics, parenting, etc.). Why? The world is negative enough, so you need “light” to come home to when the world is dark. Also, an optimistic husband is better equipped to deal with marital stress which comes with life changes.
Be honest, don’t you want a husband who will try to find a solution versus complain but offer no solutions to fixing your marriage? Don’t you want a husband who willingly goes to counseling, does marriage retreats and reads books or watch videos on how to improve your marriage? Of course...because optimists fight for their marriage while pessimist simply make excuses and complain. No one has time for that!
5) He is Open to Change
One of the top qualities to look for in a husband is how open he is to change. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, a wife is going to influence a husband to be better. The studies show that married men are healthier, happier and wealthier because of their wives.
A wife will nag you to go to the doctor,
She will have fun with you and explore your dreams together
Partner with you for increased (double) income and decrease (split) expenses.
In fact, marriage is one of the key elements to economic growth. Two is indeed better than one (Ecclesiastes 4:9).
Also, wives will make you do things that are good for you (vacations out of the country, dinner dates, eat cleaner, visit your family more, stay active and volunteer in church, get a business/life coach, stay in shape, coach you how to deal with your crazy co-workers, ex-wife, family, etc.).
It’s simple, men who are open to change make better husbands and have better lives.
6) He Answers to God not Himself
One of the temptations of the devil to hurt men is . A husband will expect you to submit (follow his lead) because he is responsible for your care. However, if he has no one to follow himself it will lead to strife.
A man who tries to rule himself will fall victim to sin almost every time.
However, a man who submits to God, while not perfect, will judge himself by God’s standard, which is significantly higher than secular culture. When he makes a mistake, he will seek wise counsel, pray, apologize, get help and/or adapt to be more like God versus a power-hungry ego maniac.
7) He is Kind and Compassionate…Even Under Pressure
What happens when you squeeze an orange? What’s inside comes out under pressure. Likewise, when a husband is under pressure the essence of his heart and character shows.
A highly skilled husband can remain kind and compassionate even when stressed to the max.
I’ll admit, this is extremely hard but being the only man in a house of three women (wife and two girls) requires me to watch my tone and temper constantly.
Want to damage your marriage? Be rough, yell, abusive, hostile, cold, etc. towards your wife and watch your house fall apart insult by insult. Think about it, if a is his wife’s protector who protects her from if you are the one attacking her?
8) He is Emotionally Stable
This is a big one. You know who is the master of this…President Barack Obama (he will always be my president). Even when you know he is upset, he remains composed, steady and emotionally stable. Thus, the country feels safer because our leader presents as nonplussed and unflappable.
Contrast that to Donald Trump (current president). Whether you voted for him or not, admit it…we are all scared at what he might do when he doesn’t get his way. This is not about politics though. The moral of the story is to be emotionally stable like Barack not explosive like Trump. The proof is in the pudding…get it?
See Romans 12:10, Romans 14:19 & 1 Peter 3: 9-11
9) His "Character Man" is Strong
This one is self-explanatory. Character is king. A man without character will destroy himself… and if you happen to be married to him then you and the children will suffer. When a young man asks for my daughters’ hand in marriage, this will be my for me to give my blessing. Yes, I want him to be a good provider and successful but if his character is weak he will inevitably hurt my little princesses and we all know that can’t happen. If his character is strong, love, kindness, stability, influenceability, Godliness, compassion, intimacy, etc. will be part of the package.
Daughters, if his character man is weak, he will fail the daddy, uncle, and grandfather, test so don’t even give him your number, social media information or even return a glance. Period. Point made. Bye.
10) He Supports your Dreams
A great husband is like a championship caliber point guard; they set the team up before they go for self. The ultimate compliment for a husband to receive from his wife is, “My husband makes sure that the kids and I don’t want for anything.” That’s the highest praise!
To do that, a husband has to master the ability of taking care of his business while still supporting the dreams of his wife and family too.
Nathaniel Bronner is quoted as saying, ““No amount of success in business is worth personal failure at home.”
A good husband will cut his business trip short to be his support his wife’s new business venture and watch his kids pursue their passions even if you disagree with them. Again…Barack Obama.
I’ll give you two more because I love you.
11) He is a Triple Threat…Provider, Protector, & Lover
Being able to provide is about one thing…security. Wives want to feel secure that their man can provide for their needs (financial, emotional, physical, spiritual, etc.).
Being a protector also about security. What woman doesn’t want to feel safe in her husband’s arms? After all, a woman represents a man’s “rib” and needs a secure body to feel securely attached to.
Here’s the kicker though…. I cannot tell you how many uber-successful men I have spoken with who provided and protected but failed in the lover category. They failed because they were either too busy or never made being an attentive lover a part of their identity as a husband.
Quick tip. Husbands, be the ideal husband you want your daughters and/or sisters to have.
12) He Fights Fair Under Pressure
This is big one too. It’s a hard one too but you want win the marital jackpot, right? A great husband must fight fair during the storms of life and marriage. This is where kindness, compassion, self-discipline and character are needed heavily.
This is where I see a lot of men struggle simple due to lack of relationship skills.
In order to fight fair (make your point, state your need, hear your wife, solve the problem), you need skills! A great husband is able to avoid being passive-aggressive, cheating, withdrawing, rejecting and/or abandoning his family when things get heated because he is able to reach into his toolkit of marital skills and work it out.
I pray this blesses you! Ladies, which one of these qualities is marital gold for you?
P.S.- Want these skills for your husband? Click this link for a FREE online training for couples who wish to actively strengthen and fix their marriage with relationship building skills to enhance your love and decrease the conflict.
Get more information here.