top of page

Key To Finding a Husband or Wife...Access (Are You Even Trying?)

Singles Question: Are you giving potential suitors a realistic chance of meeting you? I talk with single men and women weekly who are vexed about why they are not meeting the "one" yet. Your pain is real. Your desire for companionship is real. You are convinced that they were not built to endure a single life and have self-confidence. You KNOW THAT YOU ARE A GOOD CATCH. Your motivation to find love is real. Yet, you have a very big problem...


This baffles me every time because how can you realistically expect to find love if you never date? I also hear your next question..."How can I go on dates?" As a typical psychologist I will reverse the question and ask, "I don't can you?" Are you doing anything to give men and women access to you? I mean really...where would someone have an opportunity to even meet you and have a conversation? Do you socialize at events around the city? Do you network and converse with new people? Do you ask your friends to "hook you up" with potential matches? Do you have a profile on Do you speed date? Flirt on Facebook? Do you employ a matchmaker? Do you do anything?

I know this may feel like a bucket of cold water but hopefully it will awaken you. James 2:14 -26 talks about "faith without works" and it applies here. What good is it for you to say you have faith yet fail to put in any work on finding love (or at least date)? God wants you to get married because families are the core unit of the church. Families secure us, build us, grow us and CONNECT us. Christianity is all about connection! If you have prayed for God to send you a husband or wife, ask yourself if you are doing the necessary things to either find or be found by your soulmate?

Men, are you actively looking for a wife or watching Sportscenter every night? Ladies, are you out (either online or in person) so that men can even strike up a conversation with you? Are you operating in faith or simply complaining without taking action. Yes, be still when God says be still but also MOVE when He says to move. Please tell me ONE person who was blessed by not being in motion in the Bible when God told them to move?

Moses...on the move (to the promised land)

Ruth...on the move (in Boaz's field)

David...on the move (killed Goliath)

Esther...on the move (saved her people)

Joseph...on the move (fulfilling his destiny towards leadership)

What's the message? Be active and operate in FAITH! I challenge you to be active and give more people access to you so that you can GET DATES! Dating is the process for finding a spouse. Dating also gives you hope. Before you say it...everyone has bad dates. I had a FEW (sorry Rihanna lol). However, I kept on dating because how could I find a wife by quitting and getting discouraged? It paid off because now I don't have to look anymore...ever. If I date...I date my wife for life!

So, you have an opportunity to exercise your faith and start dating. Yes..ACCESS IS GRANTED! Go be ACTIVE and pursue and/or attract your next friend, husband or wife! You can do it. God is smiling at you right now! What if...just what if...your husband or wife is waiting to meet you but you never show up to the event, get online, or join that Singles ministry, etc.? What if Moses would have quit when he hit the Red Sea? What if Ruth would not have taken Naomi's advice? What if David would have listened to the haters? What if Esther would have tried to play it safe? What if Joseph would have let his brothers define him? None of them would have achieved greatness and neither will you. So, go. Go be GREAT and find love!

bottom of page